Sunday, June 10, 2012

Speed Bump

So, we’re in Florida, visiting with family.  This particular city is a retirement Mecca, complete with drivers who have antique licenses, and homes that belong to the rich and famous.  The rich and famous think twenty-five miles an hour is a generous speed limit on major roadways. The rich and famous also have antique driver licenses.
And since money means power, and power listens to money, the powerful installed speed bumps the size of New Jersey on every road I like to use.  This does not make for a happy blogger.
We hit one of those bumps this morning at twenty-six miles an hour in our four wheel drive, and bruised both my kidneys.
“I don’t know why they call those ‘traffic calming devices’?   I’m not calm—now I’m irritated.”

“You’re not the traffic,” Rob said. “They calm traffic.”
“I am, too, the traffic,” I protested.
“No,” he said, “you’re the passenger.”
“Well, I’m in the car which is moving; therefore, I am the traffic,” I told him.
“No, the cars are the traffic,” he argued.
“Only because people inside the cars are driving them,” I retorted.  “If people are in the car, causing traffic, the people are the traffic.”
“Trust me,” he maintained, “you’re not the traffic.”
“Well, I’m not calm either.  So those bumps don’t do what they’re supposed to do at all.”
“In a perfect world they would,” he muttered. 
I may not understand street signs, but sarcasm is my native tongue.  So I stuck it out at the driver sitting next to me. 
And then I felt calm.
Whatd’ya know—those devices do work. 


  1. Somehow I can hear this conversation between you and Rob. I haven't figured out yet whether Rob has the patience of a saint or whether he is just thick. For the record, in this case I believe he's just thick. LOTI

    1. He has the patience of a saint. You should hear all the things he doesn't say to me. ;) There might have been a tiny bit of artistic license I took on this piece, but I remembered most of this goofy conversation right - we both laughed about it last night. Thanks for the point you scored me on this one! LOTI ;)

  2. I can just imagine you and Rob in the car having this conversation - it makes me smile. And for the record, I'm with you. I'm of the opinion that traffic calming devices should be called "driver annoyance devices" because they really are irritating. I should warn you that if/when you make it up here to visit, there are 4 speed humps on the way into our neighborhood.

    1. Holy Cow, they really ARE annoying! A couple of days ago we drove over one I've never seen before - two narrow humps in a row, spaced maybe six inches apart. I send you my sympathy about your neighborhood do-d.a.d.'s. And we'll be there sometime, for sure!!! Hug that baby for me!

    2. Yeah, I've seen the double bump and it is possibly the worst. I'm also not a fan of the traffic circle and I am surprised they don't cause more accidents. Oh well. Hugged the baby for you (not exactly a hardship for me).

    3. We even have a round-about on the desert back road we drive home now. Last month somebody got fed up with it and drove straight instead of circling, and flattened every traffic sign in his way. Wish I'd thought of that. ;) Hugs!