Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year

I don’t believe in writing New Year’s resolutions.  Usually.  Resolutions are things you should be able to keep. But most people’s resolutions are so unrealistic, they abandon them all by January tenth.    I decided to take my own advice and be realistic this year.  So here’s my list of guaranteed-to-be-successful resolutions for 2013.  Feel free to borrow anything you like.
1.      I resolve not to waste my time finishing a movie that I knew was a clunker in the first ten minutes just because it might get better.  Life is too short.
2.      I resolve not to hate my neighbors for shooting off fireworks at seven o’clock at night on New Year’s Eve.  I’m only able to keep this one because I’m a grandmother, not a mother of sleeping babies.  If I had sleeping babies, I’m pretty sure I’d be hunting down whoever it was that set off a cannon in the street just now. 
3.      I resolve to do my part to aid in the economic recovery of America by continuing to support my local Starbucks.  It’s the least I can do.
4.      I resolve to stop trying to figure out what is wrong with people who can’t tell time and continue shooting off fireworks at eight fifteen on New Year’s Eve.  On the plus side, if they use up all their ammunition before midnight, maybe we can all get some sleep.
5.      I resolve to give up multi-tasking. Even though I am a woman and I excel at it, my husband doesn’t believe anyone multi-tasks well, based on a recent news expose to the contrary.  I also resolve to give up letting him watch the news.
6.      I resolve to personally work to end the careers of politicians who recently voted to make fireworks legal in this town.
7.      I resolve to write a new blog every day this month in honor of the only January, 2013, which will ever exist.  As well as in honor of that blog challenge I agreed to join.
8.      I resolve to give up cigar smoking, riverboat gambling, and algebra.  Wow. That was easy.
9.      I resolve to stop putting all my eggs in one basket, not to count any unhatched chickens, and to find out if wooden nickels are worth taking.
10.  I resolve to give up horror flicks in favor of Dick Van Dyke reruns.  Okay, I did that when I was ten. But it worked out so well, I’m sticking with it.
11.  I resolve to be out of town this Fourth of July.  There’s no need to celebrate it twice in the same year with the same people.
12.  Finally, I resolve to practice forgiveness.  Just as soon as I set off fireworks tomorrow morning at eight and return the kindness to all my hung-over neighbors.
Happy New Year. May all your resolutions be as realistic as mine.

14 comments:

  1. Really, you waited until 8 am? Good for you! Happy New Year, friend!

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    1. I know, right? They deserved a six a.m. wake up call! Happy New Year to you, too!

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  2. Fun post! Thanks for making me smile despite having the most horrendous cold of the year (not a difficult feat, considering we are only on day one...;-p)

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    1. Haha! Not your favorite way to start a new year, though, I bet! I feel your pain - this is about day eleven of the worst cold I remember ever having, too. I'm glad you got to smile today, though! Thanks for the encouragement - hope you feel better soon.

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  3. Nice! I LOVE your list, and think I will join you in a few of those, especially giving up algebra, I can do that, in fact, I can do that today :)

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    1. See? Success already! I love a realistic list. Thanks for your kind comments! Happy New Year.

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  4. I resolve not to try to change my wife's way of thinking, I've worked at it for 22 years and I think that was a good honest attempt, but enough is enough. Thank you for a fun post, Hope your fireworks were welcome this morning. :)

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    1. You're a wise man, Chef William. My husband sometimes suffers from whiplash shaking his head at me. It's just not worth it! Thanks for commenting!

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  5. Hahaha luckily my neighbors are pretty quiet. Over 2012 all the loud / crazy ones got kicked out of our section of townhouses. The young couple next door is pregnant with their first child. They still go home every single night because her mom cooks them dinner (mom lives in the next townhouse section down). The wifes mom comes over and cleans for them. I have no idea how they are going to raise a child but Im sure it will give me some good blog post topics!

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    1. Oh, I am so jealous, Diane! Fireworks were illegal in Arizona (except on the reservations) until last year. We're still getting used to other people's inconsideration. Sounds like the couple next door has it made in the shade! I look forward to your blog posts once reality hits. ;) Happy New Year!

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  6. I happen to know of a spot that has a great fourth of July celebration, and some pretty decent peeps to assist you with number 11. I think you might be familiar with them.

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    1. I've heard they take in wayfarers in their woodsy B&B, too. I think we might take you up on that offer!

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  7. About time you gave up riverboat gambling; your friends and family were about to have an intervention. I love your resolutions. Clearly you are very wise. :)

    Also, I'd invite you to join us for the 4th of July, but the idiots in my neighborhood were setting them off from 7 to 11 last night. Every single one of them woke my baby and I was livid with a side of near-homicidal.

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  8. Oooh! I KNEW that was happening somewhere! I remember one night when Katy was small and I'd been up with her all night for a few nights while she was sick. The neighbors behind us threw a party until way after midnight with the bass cranked up until . . . I.Had.Had.Enough. I threw a sweater on over my jammies, went out to the alley and pounded on their fence until they shut it down and everyone went home. Near-homicidal is a scary thing in the hands of a weary mother. Kudos to you for your self-control! Now let's work to establish fireworks-control!

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