Friday, January 11, 2013

The Common Cold


There’s a reason we live in the desert.  We can’t handle the cold.  I really want to handle it.  But when the temperature drops below fifty I break out in hives, I think my thyroid goes into hibernation, and I put on three sets of socks. 
It’s been in the thirties for over a week already, and tonight the low is going to be in the teens here.  I don’t know if I’ve ever even seen a teen! When my brother-in-law heard about our approaching natural disaster, he said, “Well, what do you know . . . hell did freeze over.”
And it’s going to be cold all week – highs only in the upper 40’s!  Imagine!!  Only two months ago it was in the 90’s here and now we’re all going to look like the Ice Queen blew through.  Desert dwellers don’t know how to cope with cold.  It beats out the war in Afghanistan on the evening news with warnings to cover all our tender animals and bring the plants in from outside.  Or maybe it’s the other way around – I’m so unfamiliar with this kind of catastrophic preparation.  If there was a heat wave or a dusty haboob coming our way, I’d know just what to do, but this? 
Tomorrow when the sun comes out it’s going to feel like it’s still down – the high is going to be the lowest high in over two whole years!  I’m not sure, but I’m guessing the governor may have to ask the president to declare us a federal disaster area, because you know the snowbirds aren’t going to spend any money here in this frozen wasteland.  They’re gonna all load up their fifth wheels and head someplace warm, like South Dakota. That's what geese do when they start to freeze, right? Head south?
Just when I was starting to believe in global warming, too.  This is going to set science back at least fifty or sixty years – back to before Al Gore invented the internet and found out the ice caps are melting and we’re all going to fry like bacon soon. 
All I know is I could use a little global warming right now – directed right at my frozen feet. Maybe somebody forgot to tell Mother Nature about that inconvenient truth, cuz her thermostat’s set pretty low here in the Valley of the Sun this week.
I hope I remember how whiney I am right now when July comes again this year.  It’s not likely, but it could happen.  After all, tonight hell’s going to freeze over. 

 

(Photo courtesy of Mr T in DC’s photostream) http://www.flickr.com/photos/mr_t_in_dc/3203055447
 

6 comments:

  1. This made me giggle enough that I ended up having story time at work. My coworkers thought it was pretty great too.

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    1. I confess, Mendy - I would have been disappointed if you hadn't commented! You and your arctic loving family were on my mind as I wrote and shivered in my frigid family room. I'm so disappointed in myself, I'm going to make myself eat a bowl of frozen ice cream and practice adaptation. ;)

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  2. LOL!! I admit that I'm enjoying that it's warmer here in Western WA than it is in AZ today. I've been reading the posts on FB about how it's too cold and have laughed a little too much. I mean, sure, it snowed a little earlier this week, but it's still colder there right now.

    But let me tell you a trick I've discovered. At Starbucks they actually serve hot drinks too. For so long, I feel like I was much more aware of their iced espresso drinks. But it turns out that a Venti hot drink is very warming (especially if you are not above tipping in a little booze - just sayin').

    Put on an extra pair of socks and pull out a sweater and try to stay warm okay? Love you Friend. :)

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    1. What!?! Starbucks serves HOT drinks, too? Where have I been all my life? I do feel vindicated, though, knowing that you're enjoying our normally moderate temps in exchange for the polar ice blast you guys ducked and sent our way. I KNEW it's cold here! Love ya!

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  3. I got hot tea at Starbucks today. I never go to Starbucks, but I couldn't find my tea kettle. No bike incidents, I'm happy to report.

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    1. No bike incidents? Well, then you just weren't trying. Tsk, tsk. Hope you find that kettle, but I envy your Starbucks visit. I gotta do that tomorrow, if I can find enough coats and gloves to wear. ;)

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