Things I learned after ten hours in a sleep center and two and a half hours sleep:
- I shouldn’t have taken a two hour nap before my sleep study.
- An infrared camera watching me in bed is weird.
- Don’t drink a lot of water after eight – it’s not easy to use the bathroom with twenty-two wires hanging off your head and body.
- Now I know what R2D2 felt like.
- As long as I was wired for 220, the least they could have done was connect me to a box fan, too. All that terrible quiet kept me from sleeping.
- I should have brought every pillow I own – the two they provided were on loan from Sheriff Joe’s tent city.
- I wish I’d bought pretty pajamas to wear—something with vertical lines to coordinate with my electronic hair accessories.
- When they say you can bring snacks, they don't mean chocolate covered espresso beans.
- You can’t pick your nose with wires taped to your hand.
- You don’t do a lot of sleeping in a sleep study.
- Sleep technicians are nocturnal.
- The minute you finally fall asleep, they wake you up because you’re not doing it right.
- At the end of a long, sleepless night, there’s no place like home.
- They don’t feed you breakfast in the morning.
- You can’t keep the wires as a souvenir—or the cpap machine.
- You have to follow up with your doctor cuz the sleep techs won't give you any results—or a balloon, either.
- I want a cpap machine for my birthday.
- It’s worth going through a sleep analysis to find out there’s hope I’ll sleep well—and quietly—someday.
- I should have done this ten years ago like my husband wanted me to.
- My husband is still the most patient man on earth, even though his hearing is shot.
I said, “YOU’RE STILL THE MOST PATIENT MAN ON EARTH, HONEY!”
Never mind. I’ll send him a note.
With thanks to Dave Stokes for the use of the artistic photo which can also be viewed at http://www.flickr.com/photos/33909700@N02/3159761620/