Friday, April 26, 2013

Two And A Half Hours Sleep

Things I learned after ten hours in a sleep center and two and a half hours sleep:
  • I shouldn’t have taken a two hour nap before my sleep study.
  • An infrared camera watching me in bed is weird.
  • Don’t drink a lot of water after eight – it’s not easy to use the bathroom with twenty-two wires hanging off your head and body.
  • Now I know what R2D2 felt like.
  • As long as I was wired for 220, the least they could have done was connect me to a box fan, too.  All that terrible quiet kept me from sleeping.
  • I should have brought every pillow I own – the two they provided were on loan from Sheriff Joe’s tent city.
  • I wish I’d bought pretty pajamas to wear—something with vertical lines to coordinate with my electronic hair accessories.
  • When they say you can bring snacks, they don't mean chocolate covered espresso beans.
  • You can’t pick your nose with wires taped to your hand.
  • You don’t do a lot of sleeping in a sleep study.
  • Sleep technicians are nocturnal.
  • The minute you finally fall asleep, they wake you up because you’re not doing it right.
  • At the end of a long, sleepless night, there’s no place like home.
  • They don’t feed you breakfast in the morning.
  • You can’t keep the wires as a souvenir—or the cpap machine.
  • You have to follow up with your doctor cuz the sleep techs won't give you any results—or a balloon, either.
  • I want a cpap machine for my birthday.
  • It’s worth going through a sleep analysis to find out there’s hope I’ll sleep well—and quietly—someday.
  • I should have done this ten years ago like my husband wanted me to.
  • My husband is still the most patient man on earth, even though his hearing is shot.
Never mind.  I’ll send him a note.

With thanks to Dave Stokes for the use of the artistic photo which can also be viewed at


  1. What?! No balloon? Really? That sucks.

    Now you can celebrate with me the fact that congress successfully repealed the part of Obamacare that added an extra tax to medical devices. May that be just the beginning!

    1. They were going to TAX me for breathing??? Amen, sister friend! I celebrate the crack in the door of repealation. (Is that a word?) I think I'll buy Rob balloons when I get my machine - we'll celebrate him sleeping better, too. ;)

  2. I should have had you talk to my mom before you went. She could have save you some aggravation. And didn't you read the list of things I learned from going to convention last summer? Always, always take your own pillow!

    1. Talking to ANYbody would have been helpful. But they booked me on such short notice, I didn't get the paperwork until a couple of hours before I went over there, so all I knew was there'd be wires . . . lots of wires. ;)