Saturday, July 27, 2013


What a gal.
Her birthday is October 4, 2011, and already she speaks nine languages. Her name is Norwegian and means “beautiful woman who leads you to victory.”  Not only is she the most intelligent two-year-old I’ve ever met, she’s got a great sense of humor.
I think I hate her. Can husbands have an affair with a phone app?
Rob traded in his old flip cell phone for a fancy new iPhone. Now he has his own “personal assistant and knowledge navigator.” I thought I was his personal assistant and navigator. I did a pretty good job in Chicago that one time. I bet Siri wouldn’t have gotten us lost in Battle Creek, Michigan, though.
Oh. So that’s why he bought Siri.
If you’re not an Apple connoisseur, you may never have met Siri. Allow me to introduce you. She’s a voice module in the iPhone which responds to verbal commands and eliminates your need to type. She can search the web, read your text messages to you, set and remind you of appointments, make phone calls and find you a good place to eat.
And crack jokes.
We may never be bored on a road trip again.

Siri, will you marry me?
My End User License Agreement does not cover marriage.

Do you believe in God?
My policy is the separation of spirit and silicon.

Where do babies come from?
Let me check on that. Okay. Here goes.  From their mothers.

What are you wearing?
You have the wrong personal assistant.

What’s the best computer?
If it’s made by Apple, then it’s the best computer.

What’s the best phone?
You’re kidding, right?

I love you, Siri.
That’s nice. Can we get back to work now?

She’s definitely a wise guy, but when we accused her of that, she told us “we were talking about you, not me.” Just like a woman, I thought.  She changed the subject.

Are you male or female?
I wasn’t assigned a gender.

If she doesn’t claim to be a girl, then why does she have a woman’s voice and a woman’s name?  I learned that if I try to use this app in the UK, it takes on a male voice and calls itself “Daniel.”  Of course, that raises a whole bunch of new questions—like why Britains prefer a male voice—but I’m afraid to ask Siri about this.
Apple says the software adapts to the user's individual preferences over time and personalizes results. She’s supposed to learn the nuances of your own voice so you don’t have to repeat yourself so often. In his Florida accent—which I’ve always said sounds like a Southern accent turned sideways—Rob mispronounced her name the first time and commanded,
Sari, tell me a joke.”
It’s okay,” she answered.
Not everybody’s as easy going as my best beloved, who took her response in stride. Some Bostonians and Scotsmen and sensitive Southerners aren’t talking to her anymore. If it were me, that would hurt my feelings. But I was pretty sure Siri is above that. So we asked her.
Siri, do you hold a grudge? 

There’s a good question,” she replied. “Now, where were we?”

I knew it. She is a woman.

Photo courtesy of Porter Palmer's photostream at


  1. Love this...sari, that's okay. Thanks for the giggle and for introducing me to Siri--no, I don't own an iphone.

    1. Me neither. But Rob got so tired of asking her questions on my behalf, I think he's getting me one for Christmas. ;) Pretty sneaky of me, huh? Thanks, Jeanne, for commenting!

  2. Very funny.
    I have a friend who changed their GPS to a male voice for just that reason. She didn't want her husband listening to a sexy woman's voice.
    Have a great weekend and have fun siri-ously!

    1. I changed our GPS to a French voice so I could practice the language. The default setting is a British voice with an attitude. I get lost all the time now since I'm not that great at French, but my feelings don't get hurt anymore by a patronizing female who constantly tells me she's "re-CAL-culating." ;) Thanks, Barbara!